The way in which we bring human life into this world is experienced in a multitude of different ways. Women naturally make their choices on how to birth their babies based on cultural, societal and personal experiences. I believe that almost every woman makes her individual choice, on where and how to birth, based on the belief that it will be for the best outcome for the baby and herself. It is for this reason that there is nothing to be gained by judging any woman based on her birth choices, as she has followed a path that she believes to be best at that time.
Life is a journey, where we all strive to improve our understanding of the world and our choices. Maya Angelou so beautifully described this process when she said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” There is no guilt to be felt, no regret, no wishing that things occurred differently, no feeling of judgement - just a freedom to evolve in a way that is best for you and your family.
Maya Angelou so beautifully described this process when she said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
We are each on this wondrous, wild journey that is life, and can celebrate and learn from the experiences of each other – birth being a life experience for many that is one of the most transformative and therefore all the more meaningful to share. It is imperative that women listen to each other’s experiences with an open mind and heart, as doing this empowers and strengthens the divine feminine. What could be more important than a discussion about birthing new life?
A woman can only make decisions centred on what she has constructed as her own belief system about childbirth – and this belief system arises from a multitude of influences. In addition, each woman's approach can change and evolve with each birth she experiences. For many of us who have had more than one child, we understand that no two births are the same. And for this reason everyone’s birth story marks a moment of individual transformation and is something that we can gain insight from.
It is my personal belief that we should never stop sharing our birth experiences – it is a way for women to connect and share what is a profound process. In fact, I believe, that ceasing to discuss birthing as a relevant and important topic due to a fear of offending, is disregarding a highly important subject and replacing it with apathy. This approach precludes us from assessing the current status quo of an incredibly important process. I am forever grateful for all the women who took the courage to share their very personal birth stories, as it was from their experiences that I was able to find strength and courage to meet the demands of bringing new life into this world.
What I feel I can offer from my experience of birth is the concept of the pain of birth being purposeful and transformative. As medicine grows more complex in the way we can experience birth, it begs the question, does pain have a place in birthing as a relevant and purposeful experience? We now have the option not to experience the pain of birthing, which is a relatively new choice in the whole scheme of human evolution. What we need to consider is why the female body was designed to experience pain during birthing.
In order to determine whether the pain of childbirth is a relevant experience, I believe that there are three main facets to consider. Firstly, a recognition of the way our bodies have evolved. Secondly, how a patriarchal medical system has shaped the birthing experience. And finally, pain as a transformative experience and its presence as a theme in spiritual and tribal settings.
1. Faith in the human design
Firstly, it is interesting that our intellectual minds have eclipsed our instinctual minds to the point where we are comfortable with doubting the human design. Is it possible that humans have managed to evolve in such a way, and are the only animals in nature, to have a defective method of giving birth to their offspring? Of course a certain percentage of pathological pregnancies and births can benefit from medical intervention, but here I am alluding to the non-pathological pregnancy and birth and whether in this case pain is an admissible part of the process.
From a purely physiological perspective, the pain of childbirth is functional. As we discover more about the delicate interplay of the hormones of birth, we can see how the sensation of pain is involved. Oxytocin is the hormonal driver of the birthing process. As the levels of oxytocin increases the contractions of the muscular uterus increase in frequency and intensity. This is what causes the sensation of pain during labour. The pain is a result of things going right not going wrong. This is in contrast to pathological pain, where it is an indication that something is wrong. It is important for women to understand this distinction. Every pregnant woman needs to be educated about the role of this pain in birth.
Once the levels of pain reach a peak point it is a signal to the body to release endorphins. These are our natural opiates. This moderates the pain and the woman shifts from her conscious/thinking mind to the deeper/instinctual mind in which she is able to reach to her greatest depths to experience the birth. Moving into this mind is to be within a raw, primal space. An experience in which you can reach for an innate power that you may have never known resided within you. It is here that dwells a tremendous power. It is as though in this space we are reenacting the birth of the universe – the ultimate creative power of giving new life.
It is pain that is necessary to get us to that point. If we interfere with the experience of pain during birthing we can impede the unfolding of this intricate interplay of the physiology of birth, and effectively deny ourselves what can be, the most empowering experience.
2. The Experience of Birth in a Patriarchal Medical System
It is true that most women now experience the process of birth within a system built on the foundations of patriarchy, the attitudes and practices of which still echo through the hospital today. It is a system that would have viewed the raw, primal nature of birthing as inconvenient, and confronting. It is not surprising that the pain of childbirth has become confused with the pain of pathological conditions seeing as many women birth in a hospital that is designed to deal with pathology. This distinction is fundamental – the pain of childbirth is normal functional pain whereas the pain of pathological conditions is a different beast altogether.
Birth in its natural state is raw, primal and powerful. These are not images that sit neatly within the medical system. Birth is uncomfortable, unpredictable in nature, and requires patience and observation of the process. Again, all characteristics that don’t sit harmoniously within a system which likes to maintain tight control. Rather than allowing women to experience their physical peak and innate power, we have a medical culture that deadens the experience of bringing new life to earth. We not only dull the woman’s experience of birthing, but we also dull the baby’s experience of birth, as we know the drugs used in medicalised births also career through the bloodstream of the baby.
It is undeniable that the medical system is indispensable in cases of pathological birth, but it is also undeniable that we are medicalising a process that for many women is not pathological. In doing so, it is imperative that we question what is lost for those women who then endure a birth interfered with.
3. Pain and Suffering as a Transformative Experience
It is the case that some women do not experience pain as such during childbirth, and some are lucky enough to experience what has been described as an ‘orgasmic birth’, but here I can only speak from my own experience. Upon reflection on the births of my daughters I was filled with complete fascination that birthing was such a life changing experience, yet an experience common to so many women throughout time. For the first time in my life I had experienced a pain so intense that the only way to go through it was to surrender completely to its intensity. Herein lay the transformation of the pain of birth – it was almost a microcosmic spiritual awakening. I had to surrender in my entirety and have faith in the human design. It was reclamation of a power that I did not know existed within me. And it is a power once discovered that is never lost. It is one manifestation of the divine feminine power.
We can also see throughout history the relevance of pain as a means for transformation, most obviously in the initiation rituals practiced by various tribal and indigenous cultures. The tradition of inflicting various types of pain, usually on young men as a means of transitioning them from boyhood to manhood, has been woven into many cultures. It is interesting that this has been conducted by so many and has played such a pivotal role in transformation. I do not condone some of the practices that result in long lasting harm or loss of life, but it is clear that these practices have been relevant to many cultures for many thousands of years. They ascribe some meaning to the experience of intense pain as a mark of transformation.
It is also interesting to look at the wisdom of suffering as depicted in the religions. Suffering has played a central role in all religions as a path to spiritual understanding. In Buddhism, life is defined as suffering and ultimately leads to the experience of enlightenment. In Judaism we have the story of the suffering of the Israelites on their journey to the Promised Land. And in Christianity there is the image of Jesus suffering on the cross, and then on the third day resurrection. It is interesting that all the religious and spiritual teachings view suffering as one path to understanding.
Suffering, pain or discomfort, are all experiences that are now seen as completely adverse in our contemporary culture. Yet throughout human history pain has played a pivotal role in transformation. Due to the predominance of pain and suffering as a means for change, awakening or transformation throughout history, it begs us to question our modern day approach of removing discomfort from the experience of childbirth.
We live within a culture that has imbued the experience of pain as a negative experience that must be avoided. We strive towards greater comfort, and enjoy the process of instant gratification. Gaining something through a process that may be uncomfortable is something that is less frequently experienced. I am not referring to chronic, severe, unrelenting types of pain, which is outside my spectrum of understanding, but rather certain types of pain that are functional, physiological or psychological and where there is an expected end to the pain.
We have effectively narrowed the definition of the spectrum of normal human suffering to a point that almost excludes any suffering or pain. Pain during childbirth is one example of a painful experience that has been almost entirely phased out as being unacceptable. This has occurred as the spectrum of normal human suffering has narrowed to the point of completely diminishing. In doing so, I suggest, we are depriving ourselves of one potential path to transformation.
I understand that the concept that there may be some relevance to the experience of pain may seem ludicrous to most, and this is understandable, as we have been conditioned by a society that has programmed us to believe that any form of discomfort is objectionable. But sometimes it is the case that it is the ‘darkest nights of the soul’ that can bring about the greatest transformation.
The Relevance of Pain in Birth
The pain of childbirth makes you reach to places that you did not know were possible. The point you reach is one of complete surrender – surrender to the pain itself, and surrender to faith in the human design. The intensity is such that it changes the perception of yourself and your capabilities for a lifetime. It empowers, and it forces you absolutely to the present moment. Nothing else exists for you at that time. It is the ultimate connection to the ferocious and primal power that lies within. It is this same ferocious and primal power that is drawn upon as a mother time and time again.
Every woman should be allowed the opportunity to make the choice to experience a birth undisturbed, and be given the support, space and time for this to take place. The pain of childbirth should be allowed to exist within the normal spectrum of human suffering, if the birthing mother so chooses. From my own experience, I feel that the pain of childbirth has been absolutely relevant, and what it ignited within me is a power I have lived by ever since.
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