I heard a person once say that, ‘the only place I need look to make my child a better person is inside myself.’ Of course a statement of such gravity initially caught me by surprise and I could sense self-defense as my emotional response. After all, as parents, we have an infinite number of justifications when there is any suggestion that we could do things better.
After my initial reaction to the suggestion subsided, the reality of the statement began to unfold. As things tend to do, over time. The truth in that statement became evident on both a scientific level and a spiritual level. The scientific and spiritual again intertwine and dance in harmony.
Being the mother of two young daughters, I have had the privilege of observing and interacting with their behaviour. At times there is an indescribable depth of love, at other moments I can observe myself being triggered by certain actions or words which may not affect any one else in the room. I believe this occurs as the result of the intimate closeness of those words or behaviours to my own, of which I could improve. Children have the ability to act as a mirror of such clarity, that at times it can be confronting and provoke unease within us.
It wasn’t long before I came across the concept of ‘mirror neurons’, which intrigued me, for it provided a scientific explanation for the somewhat ephemeral statement I had heard many years ago. In addition, mirror neurons have been described as one of the most important discoveries in neuroscience in the past decade. These magnificent brain cells ‘fire’ not only when a person performs a specific act, but also when he or she observes another individual perform the same act. This ensures rapid learning of complex skills, which is vital in developing children.
In addition, they are involved with empathy – that is the ability to understand what the other person is feeling or thinking from that person’s frame of reference. The brain of the child is able to register the expressions and emotions on our faces faster than they can process what we say – this is of vital importance since it implies that the child will register our true underlying emotions.
The most fascinating concept that mirror neurons raises is that we are effectively connected to other human beings by our neurons – the consciousness of each person is entwined. We are not discrete from those around us, and the actions and emotions of those around are firing and wiring our brains and the brains of our children.
We have two choices. React as most of us do, with an unrelenting determination to correct the child, or to look within ourselves and determine whether this behaviour is a reflection of some aspect of ourselves that we could improve. In this way, our children are an impetus to our own betterment. They give us reason to reflect on our own consciousness. And for this we can be forever grateful.
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